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hi. I've made a new lj account. Felt like I wanted something new!

It'd be nice if you all followed me over here: arde_elcorazon 
i don't normally hate on any artist that's out there, but i seriously detest Lil Wayne. calls himself the best rapper alive? please. -you're shit.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Hi. It’s Christmas Eve [duh! :p]. About to be Christmas in a few minutes. I am alone in my room with the lights on, computer on [obviously] and the tv on as well. I clearly don’t care about the environment all that much. My old best friend left a few minutes ago with her boyfriend. He is a good guy. He gives the best hugs! I think I could spend a long time hugging him and not feel awkward. Frank rocks. Hmm.

It seems like most of my livejournal friends aren’t around anymore? Ahh. I miss some of them. I’ve had an “e-friend”, Gabriel, for… 5 years now and it amazes me how we’ve never met in person and yet we care for each other very much. Well, I care for him and I’m pretty sure he cares for me as well. We’ve only talked over the phone a few times. Weird, huh. I wonder what he’s doing now. I hope he’s spending it with his family. Or someone he loves. He’s a lonely guy too. I think that’s why we’re such good friends. We understand solitude.

I’m not even depressed. -It’s just that it’s Christmas and it doesn’t feel like it in my house. It hasn’t for a long time. Not since my older brother Gus moved out. I miss him, still. One of my other brothers, Junior; stopped by yesterday with my niece Hailey. If you’ve been on my friends list long enough, you might remember how happy I was when she was born. I hardly ever see her. I think I have only seen her maybe four or five times since she’s been born. She’s three now. Anyway. She wasn’t too shy and was hanging out with me and coloring in my room. Hehe.

I’ve been working at the library! I got the job. I’ve been working there for probably one month now. It’s pretty cool. I still don’t know some things and that’s because they assume I do. I’m getting to know the workers a little more. It’s not so awkward anymore. They’re all real nice people. They bake cookies and bring them in. Neighbors also bring in candies and goodies for us workers. Such nice people. I had no idea about all the shit that goes down. Hehe. The back, is a mess sometimes! I love it best when it’s kind of empty and I grab a chair and pretend to shelf read [although I do shelf read 99% of the time] and just read! We’re not allowed to read during working hours! Hehe. Like today for instance, I was reading up on Hyenas. Apparently the female Hyena and the male Hyena look almost identical. And to make things more “twisted” is that the female Hyena is actually bigger and more stronger than the males. They basically bow-down to the ladies! :p

Sometimes I feel that nobody at work likes me and that I’m too weird. All I hear in my head is Jessica saying that, “You’re fucking weird, dawg!” But eh. The more I think of it, all the staff there is kinda weird. But I like them. I feel so guilty and lazy for not doing any holiday cards for them. I really even wrote down what I was going to write for each of them and how I was going to decorate it for them. *sigh* Damn this cold weather makes me lazier!

melissa

Well, I hope you all have happy Holidays! =]

damn you Beyonce! You make me wanna shake my thang all the time! :p
I feel so depressed after the car accident. I'm not even sure if I'm depressed...there's just something wrong with me. Mentally and emotionally. I must have slept... 12 hours. And to be honest, I want to go back to bed again.

story:

I had to buy a x-mas present for work and Jessica said she'd take me. I was going to go on the bus, but complained about how cold it was, and she insisted on taking me. So fine. I waited and waited. I was waiting so much that I was dozing off to sleep. I was about to call her and tell her to forget it, I'd get the present on Monday night. As soon as I picked up the phone to dial her, she was honking outside. -I jump in the car and it felt eerie being in the car with her because I've never been in a car with her driving. It was all weird. It was dark and cold outside and her face looked all shadowy [is that even a word? who cares.]. So we're in a hurry because her Mom didn't want to lend her the car & only gave her like 30 minutes or something. She's driving & making weird noises like we're going to crash and my nervous feelings kinda go away because I start thinking that she's such a dumbass.

We fill up the gas tank because whenever she uses the car, her mom makes her fill it up. -we go to Target and get our stuff rather quickly and as we're driving back home, she drove down a different way & I did ask myself why she was driving that way, but I didn't ask because I figured she was going to her house to drop off the car or something. Anyway. As we're driving down [you wont believe it, but i can still see, feel & hear it.] the street, this car didn't stop and crashed into us.

The thing was that I saw him.. and I was going to tell her, "wait. he's not going to stop" and as soon as I opened my mouth, he crashed into us. I swear, the minute he hit us, I felt so responsible. I thought of her Mom and how she's going to be so pissed off at her. It's so weird. I felt I should have yelled at her or just gone on the bus. I feel like it's my fault. Anyway.

We crash and she turns to me and asks if I'm okay & I'm in complete shock and somehow manage to whisper "yeah. are you?" I had my hands covering my face the whole time. kinda like OMG OMG OMG! She somehow kicks open the door and asks the guy if he's okay & she thought someone died, and i was freaking out like, "WHO DIED? OMG!" They want me to go to a doctor, but I feel fine. My chest just hurts a little. or a lot.

I'm just sad.

Dec. 8th, 2008

Jessica and I got into a car accident. we're both okay. -i'm just so shaken up.
So today, I busted out singing some old school Too $hort & my good friend Anabelly started laughing & said, "You are such a trip. You don't look it at all, but you're so hardcore!" LOL -she's right. i look like a clueless little bitch, but I'm from East L.A. don't ever forget it.
when shit goes down, when I'm sad, when I fail a class, when I lose a friend, I haven't talked to him, when I'm sick, all I really have to say is:

fuckit

Nov. 26th, 2008

the next time it's windy & raining real hard, I am going to let my umbrella fly away. -i've always wanted to do that. not my real umbrella though. i ♥ it too much.
i fucking hate relying on others. like, i hate not having my own car because whenever we go out, i have to wait for them to pick me up. i can't leave when i want to leave. i've been waiting for... 30 minutes. they go on at 9:45. there's always traffic down Sunset Blvd. *sigh*